Careful the Things You Say

By Amber Nicole Dilger, CEI Associate

In Stephen Sondheim’s musical, Into the Woods, there’s a haunting song that warns us:

Careful the things you say,

Children will listen. 

Careful the things you do,

Children will see,

and learn. 

Click to listen to my recording of “Children Will Listen. 

In my work as a private singing teacher I have had many students come through my door the past 17 years.  Each individual has their own goals and reasons that brought them to lessons.  There is a thread of story, though, that is heartbreakingly common especially among my adult students: when they were a child they had been told not to sing.  Most of the time it was an off-the-cuff comment from someone they respected.  Unfortunately, many times it was a school music teacher.  They dutifully obeyed and mouthed the words, and from that point onward did whatever they could to not let their true voice be heard.   We are often unaware of how an insensitive comment might land, and most children haven’t yet developed the skills to not take it personally.  To cultivate the lifelong learners our society needs, we must stay aware of the words we use.  Children must be encouraged to explore new things, and the subsequent mistakes and successes celebrated for the learning opportunities they are. 

My students come to lessons because they know deep down that they are more than the label of “not good” another person gave to them.  They each inspire me, but one student will always stand out as The Bravest.  This adult came to me determined to overcome a fear that she felt was holding her back from being fully herself.  She grew up in an environment where the disease of perfectionism was rampant, and early on it was pointed out to her when her singing attempts were not immediately correct.  Singing anything required her to make mistakes (no matter how slight) when learning a new song, and that was unacceptable.  She loved music and listening to others sing, though, and always felt left out by not participating.  Her main short-term goal when we started lessons together was to sing “Happy Birthday” to her father’s answering machine.  She had never sung “Happy Birthday” to anyone. 

A few months later, with practice and lessons and therapy all joining together to boost her confidence, she successfully made the recording.  We continued to work through the school year, and by the end of the spring she joined us in our formal studio recital singing a solo beautifully on the auditorium stage.  Considering her professed greatest fear was burning to death, and singing in front of anyone was a close second place, this was a momentous achievement.  The performance was accompanied by a lot of tears and determination, but she overcame the inhibiting ideas from her childhood and to this day continues to dive deeply into the adventures of life. 

If there is a silver lining to this tale of misplaced words, it is the perseverance of the human heart.  My students have built up the courage and allowed their curiosity to lead them to do what they can to feel good about making music.   The transformational possibilities of song, which they love so dearly and are constantly drawn to, inspire the fortitude they need to overcome their fears.  Music is something they want to participate in to the best of their ability, whatever that happens to be. 

There’s an even better story that could be told, though.  This one starts at the beginning, where all children are allowed and encouraged to fully engage in the learning process in whatever way they can.  When someone makes a mistake, they will be praised for trying.  We need to be brave and bold to try new things, to propose and explore new ideas.  Fear should not be built into failure.  Life is filled with making mistakes, and if we are taught to learn everything we can from those mistakes we will all go further, faster. 


Book Review: Practiceopedia-The Music Student’s Illustrated Guide to Practicing

Are you familiar with this book?  It was written in 2007 by Philip Johnston, and it’s a valuable resource in my teaching studio.  In fact, I keep it out as the “coffee table book” in my waiting room for students to grab a practice tip of the week to try out.

The author is a music educator who has a broad background which includes being a concert pianist as well as teaching piano, marital arts, and high school English.  I especially welcome the mixture of attentive focus and incremental goals in his practice advice.

The Practiceopedia is set up to be very easy to use and is illustrated in a way that will appeal to all ages.  Quickly skimming will always bring new ideas to the surface, and a favorite aspect of mine is the topic focus guide at the beginning of the book.  “Not wanting to practice” and “Saving time” are just two of the topics that have a multitude of practice suggestions.

My husband and I both have degrees in music and perform professionally.  We have spent many, many hours both practicing and learning how to practice.  Even with all of our experience, we both enjoy reading this book and appreciate the presentation of ideas both new to us and time-tested.  Whether you’re a parent of a student, a musician who is just starting out, or an advanced performer, this book truly has something to offer everyone on their musical journey.



The Treasured Right-Here

for Caroline

With worries ahead of me

and worries behind,

a breath helps me see

right now none are mine.


When I follow the path of Breathe-Out

it is clear

that Breathe-In can keep me

in the treasured Right Here.


So in and out,

day after day,

I practice and notice and play

and play.


And though challenges will always

appear and arise,

I’ve practiced my noticing

and see through their disguise.


They’re just bits and pieces

to be nibbled away,

and nothing to ruin

this beautiful day.

Skipping along the path

This is my first teaching blog post, but I’ve been sharing a lot of the ideas I’ll soon be sharing with you with my students for many years now. I’ve discovered that generally our SELF is the biggest obstacle any of us face when it comes to learning new skills. Who could really blame the brain, though, when you consider how much energy it takes to adjust habits or build new ones? It’s always easiest to just keep doing what you have been doing.

Problem is, that’s not always the most effective (or fun) way to do it!

I’m excited to share with you the research I’ve done and tips and tricks I’ve found that make this whole story-singing endeavor more enjoyable. You have to be willing to dive in, though, and celebrate the messiness of it all. I constantly tell my students that you have to approach this instrument as if you are a curious scientist or detective. The willingness to examine your vocal production and all of the thoughts and muscles and emotions and intentions that wrap together to produce your singing is the key to success.

I will share ideas about how to make the best use of your practice time, how to embrace the nervousness that comes with any performance, and how to understand the fundamentals of how the voice works as an instrument. We’ll shine the spotlight on focus and intention and see how these skills are some of the most crucial for our entire journey. We’ll examine what it means to really connect with our audience and the story we are conveying.

There’s so much “good stuff,” so have patience and try out whatever calls to you. And let me know how’re you’re doing in the process… sharing is one of the priorities of living, right?